song of the day

beautiful.
brings me to tears every time

sound track for the day

ipod on shuffle. life on pause.

first love- adele
im yours- jason mraz
you belong to me- trey songz
make her say- kid cudi, kanye, common
so what-pink
inhale- common
primavera!- santana
little of your time- maroon5
off that- jayz, drake
failure- lupe fiasco
california love- tupac
up up and away- kid cudi
no greater love- amy winehouse
fancy-the dream
all or nothing- foreign exchange
many moons- janelle monae
you- q tip
decode-paramore
diamond in the back- luda
hostile gospel- talib kweli
when it hurts so bad- lauryn hill
unthinkible- alicia keys and drake
good girls- wale
change clothes- jay z
shark in the water- v v brown
u make a fool of me meshellndegeocello

NEW POETRY

I have to kick the habit of not writing down my thoughts...

so I pulled the trigger.
I could feel bladed grass pressed against my face
pulling my skins
forcing me to dirt
telling me to stay low so that I could hear the earth echo into a thousand years before I was here, before I knew there was grass, before I knew.
So I clenched my hands and pulled it from it's roots,
bent my knees and stood to my feet.
I couldn't give it the honor of taking me.

realization!!!

i had a very looooooong conversation with a close friend of mine about being natural and she brought me to a realization that I would have never discovered myself. I have been fighting this fight with myself about keeping my hair natural four about 3 years now. Each time I struggle with my hair I blow it out and set it in curls. I look at pictures of my sisters who have mixed curly hair and I wish I had that. blowing out my hair, trying to imitate another form of natural that is more "mixed" and acceptable is not accepting who I am. MY tight curls will never be like their's... and that is where I have hated myself.

What african american women are now challenged with is the battle against "good natural hair", some of us have gotten over the straight/permed hair but not the curly natural. The more I try to mold and shape my hair into a curly fro with product the more I realize that I am trying to be something I am not. Our society is still telling us that thick un-mixed hair is unacceptable. Becoming natural then getting a texturizer or using gel to hold a curl or blowing out to partial straighten is still self hatred to many of us as we create something we are not. I wonder if i can ever get past it....

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"the truth will set you free. but first, it will piss you off."
-Gloria Steinem writer and activist

taking time to change

I'm going to take a new approach to this blog thing by just posting my rambling thoughts, instead of strictly poetry.... sooo here I go:

I realized that my hair is rather interesting looking (lol). I took a couple of minutes to flip through all of my facebook profile pictures and noticed that i have never looked consistent. I know many that would find this inconsistency foolish but I think it makes me... me. How many of us can really say that they honestly don't look like someone else??? I know that I can! I'm going to take pride in that.

I always encounter people that ask me why I went natural. At first I used to tell them that it was the only way my hair would grow. Then I used to say its only temporary and I would be getting a perm soon. Up until now I don't think I have ever answered that question correctly. So here's the real answer:

I have been natural and will always be natural because it is who I am. Not to say that my hair defines me, because it does not by any means define who I am. My hair is a part of me and it is real. This is who I am. Know that when you stand in front of me you will never have to guess what I really look like.

here's some of my hair pics, I will add more later

'girl boom'

looks like shes got girl
boom in her face, heavy breaths,
shouts, blank metaphors.

'untitled'

got a thought
itching like peeled paint
chips
cracked like pardoned doors
scratching a harder way out
skinned
scabbed
black, cracked like pardoned doors

time to catch up

Sooo... i have been slacking lately but i think i am going to force myself to catch up. Im just going to write randomly(hopefully this works)


'wilted'

hands over hairs on backs,
wrists cutting dried, leaves
skin wrapped around finger cracks

'take it.'

CUT HERE
----------
let me stencil with marks permanent,
perforate the edge of my ribs,
dip my scissors into flame.

let you induce pyro-listic visions of
warming a cold
heart,

fold back skin
dig it out then hold
it low,
so that I won't see

or faint before
falling
for you.