heard (15/30)

five notes
one flat
with a melody
sung on key
hopefully
if it could be heard
it would be sung
flawlessly
but instead it is kept
within his room
in the shower
on her breath and
un-harmonized
none the less
never heard
by those
who could careless
unless
she could blow
or he could kill
but if he's deemed
"slightly above ordinary"
her song
would not be heard
his melody
would not be sung
just
five notes and
one flat

x-men (14/30)

now that they shoot
up each block
like they did
rock and roll
mcdonalds
and
47th street
we can't walk
downtown
without grasping
our purses
and
wallets
pepper spray in 1 hand
keys between fingers
like
wolverine
we pretend to be
x-men
hoping to slay them
fearing
they will slay us

ownership (13/30)

we make
our promises,
one condom at a time,
and they take each one
more likely to be broken
then the next

we push to let go
but they push back
until we are forced
to hold on
tighter

then it gets
to a place we didn't want
deeper than before
but simplicity was easier
because it
protected us
from feeling
disease

when we get it
we take it
then give it
to someone
but we will never
forget who
gave it first

we'll let them own us
because they've had us

morning rolls to the grocery store (12/30)

just when we thought we could sleep in
3 knocks on the door
2 more minutes to wake up
1 slap on the head

family field trip
to get the meals
that would last us
at most
a quarter of the week

a 30 minute stroll
or should i say roll
with that asinine
homeless lady cart
from the red line

it may have 4 wheels
but it is no car

we had learned its ins and outs
how to turn the corners
on hind wheels
and to avoid cracks and holes
opting for the street
when the sidewalks were beaten
occasionally tipping over
when the loss of balance
was inevitable

or was it loss of confidence?

winters trumped summers
it was by far more painful
to see those in cars
how we envied those kids
who got to carry
their groceries
from their trunks

and frostbitten hands
and aching backs
from leaning forward
to avoid the black ice

how we fought
over who rolled
last time

summer did kill us though
we saw them
and they saw us
so we hung our heads
knowing the cart was
immovable

and such was life
as we knew it
as we lived it

hand me my heart (11/30)

I label affection as an object
using it to show myself when I can
leads to more problems
and less solutions at hand-
me my heart
before i choose to loose it
my body is to fast
heart and mind should prelude it
But my mind won't speak for my heart
because my heart can't seem to find
the right affections
to be interpreted by my mind
and when my mind is lost my stomach turns
because it won't let out the words my mouth yearns
and when I yearn to speak my mind I find
my lines unwind sentences break
words un-define
accents un-emphasize all combine
into a sub sequential rhyme
that I call mine

what can I say? (10/30)

It seems a lot harder than it is a lot easier to say nothing at all

What can I say to say what I mean to say?
I'm trying to say what i mean
but my mind is rambling
and my mouth is confused

So much more is to be said, to be heard
but I can't put thoughts into words
Forming a simple sentence
is a struggle for me
because I want you
to know what I am saying
without me saying it

Words are worth less to me
Being verbally blind has forced me
to see me but not hear me
Now nothing and everything
is better in silence

I'd give up and give in at the slightest chance
to express myself in anyway
that doesn't have to do with something
I have to say

monday night walkout (9/30)

when you walked away
i knew then I would have to be
only me.

this would be the me
i haven't been or known
for years.

then i would see
truth periodically
as i know
I can't control
my own role.

he will soon follow
(I knew I would be but half by myself)
to complete
and replace me
and not you.

square one I'm back to
the drawing board
sketching out another
love that will
be erased
sooner than later

sunday seats (8/30)

hypocrites liars cheaters
killers adulterers
aligned by the alter seated
seeking a truth a solution and a reason why

after about 3 months I was seated too
knowing I could find no savior

prayed out with hopelessness
planted in my brain before
the thought of salvation was
seeded

amongst them i sat
hypocritical intentions known and intended
believing no more than I could have

yet still I prayed (not hoped) for a salvation
of sorts as i knew it to happen
to some of us

Such simplistic beauty in those who have something to believe

null and void pt.1 (void) (7/30)

Never void this piece we call home

Corners and liquor stores
vacant lots and dirt grass
yet and still
home

So what
you never park your car
out here or take
this way to get to
Hyde Park

I know your uppity ass
knows we live here

low ends
no end

So take the long route home
to your green fronts
and finished concrete blocks
and quiet nights

We will stick to what we know.
(Don't ever forget we live here though)

failure (6/30)

I thought I wouldn't be stuck here
thinking of what to write
what to tell
with suppressed
unfortunate thoughts of failure

punching in one letter
at a time
with fears of failing you
instead of myself

those words and words and words
are pulling my nerves
I know they will devour you
before they
kill me

I would rather I go first
with my protests
on paper
before you acknowledge
their imperfections

I am success inverted
metaphorically speaking I hope
but only in my mind

failure again

i used to love her too (5/30)

sick of hearing the same
punch lines
and predictable
verses-

it is reminiscent of the way it used to be-
fore we jumped into pushing coke-
cans for advertisements and
quick cash

and seeing the same
old swag
that we have all
seen before-

it held justifiable intentions even at will-
ing to express despite opposition and the like-
ly to make you find you before
you could find you

and allowing those
who spit weak
to speak for us-

it was beyond powerful
once underground and un-
Common,
i used to love her too

buses (4/30)

Packed
Shoulder to shoulder
Onto this
Hellhole of a moving vehicle

Too close to breathe
Too close to move
Still avoiding each others idiosyncrasies

Stage center
Declaring her ignorance
Rocawear jeans and clean-cut forces
Singing at the top of her lungs
Songs of rage

On the back of the bus,
none the less,
exactly where they want her.

DISCLAIMER!
We are not all like this.

And would I jump across this public form of
transportation to stab her straight and
obliterate this source of mediocrity?

No.

That would only
Kill my pride
And let them know
I’m just as her

alleys (3/30)

It's the best place to do it
because no one sees
and no one hears what they can't see
Dark and Lenny up the street
Concealed.Correct.Complete.
I'm guessing God made them for us:
Sanctified holy grounds,
Kissed with crack filled remedies,
Blessed with the stench of fading time
Raped of sanity
Grounds that hold the answers to life
and its antagonizing questions
They are the curse to our communities
to our mothers
to our brothers
They are the reason we run,
we hide,
we fight.

fresh. (2/30)

Shield, thunder and bolt strike me

Render me weak, leave me vulnerable, innocent,

Random and unable to be decisive and what comes with it.

Its love for destruction heals me so

As everything about it is not me

Its desire to persist in what it does best

Inspires me to do the same.

Though able to block what is felt

And protect its real

It creates light in what is dark

Illuminates the game with a revolutionary aspect

And depicts the true form of modern art

Its sound tracks and cracks the surface

And echoes systematically and rhythmically

Denotes the epitome of fresh. cool. fresh.

Simply what I want and do not want

Rendering me hopeless and leaving me speechless

Showing me my love for sound with

The sound it makes.

It fails to complete as it is only temporary weather

Still an irresistible composition.

what i would be like (1/30)

if everything i ever wanted
was at my fingertips
i would be like her
happy beyond reason
oblivious to reality
typically lifeless and
without soul
like her my eyes would see black
and my ears would hear white
and lucky would be my reason
when blessed should be so
lost would be my cause
common sense would be my loss
sensibility would be nothing
and if i had it all
i would appreciate it none
like her is
what i would be like.